A little pre-SuperBowl fun … I am a Giant’s fan so it is super easy for me to tell you that last years SuperBowl was the greatest of all time. So instead lets go with the top Football movies. I’ve tried to include ones with entertainment value, good stories and not always focused on the NFL or professional football.

10. All The Right Moves

9. Any Given Sunday

8. North Dallas Forty

7. Everybody’s All American

6. Friday Night Lights.

5. The Program - College football at its peak and honesty right behind. From racism to the coach’s favorites. It shows the reality of college football and what it takes to hack it.

4. Little Giants - I know what your thinking. But this is a great movie. When football is at its most purest state. When money or fame does not matter. Comon…. Al Bundy as the evil coach ?

3. The Longest Yard - No not the one with Adam Sandler, nice try. A funny and serious movie at the same time. Burt Reynolds + 1970’s = Gold.

2. Remember the Titans - An inspirational movie while focusing on the color barrier that disappears by the end of this great tale of high school football.

1. Rudy - Everyone loves the underdog. Plus a great feel good story, and an actual true story at that. Good acting, hard work and hard nosed football. Very inspirational movie that proves you can do anything if you put your mind to it.

The Oscars have not been the same in a long time. Whether you blame it on the economy, the strike last year, bad or boring movies or lack of mainstream fame. The ratings last year were there lowest since 1974. Yeah - I was born that year - ouch. It peaked in 1998 when The Big Boat took home 11 awards. That movie made over 600 million, and even though it seemed a little artsy to some, it was a gigantic hit. It had mainstream appeal that went outside the box of critics like Oscar winners normally do not. Enter “The Dark Knight”. Now just hear me out. We can all agree since the turn of the century, superhero movies are iconic. From Box Office grosses to public appeal. It is what people want to see. What better way for the Oscars to return to form ? Dark Knight made 530 million domestically and over 1 billion internationally.  Hmmmm - sounds familiar. To break into the public eye, and appeal, through the artsy fartsy Oscar nominations, it HAS to be nominated for best picture. Supporting Actor and technical awards won’t cut it. There are 4 movies that are locks as far as I am concerned for nominations. Milk - Slumdog Millionaire (which will most likely win) - Benjamin Button - Frost/Nixon. None of which grossed very much. That is what the public can relate to - Money. Let’s be honest. Don’t get me wrong. Iron Man was excellent. And in another year it could have snuck in, just not this year. There is a time for firsts. And I believe 2009 is it for Super Hero flicks. So when the nominations come out later this week, don’t be suprised if “The Big Bad Bat” sneaks in and brings along Nolan as best director. It may be The Wrestler, it may be Gran Torino - both great movies. But I for one will be squeezing for the watchful protector to swoop in and save the day yet again …

A year ago today, a gargantuan beast slithered from the freezing Atlantic and destroyed our city, the greatest testament to the power of mankind, New York.

The incident, which was classified by the government as “Cloverfield” remains one of the most popular documentaries of our time, the incident proved too catastrophic for the government to classify, thus they released what video they had on the attack on DVD, using the proceeds to search for methods to destroy the beast once and for all (as they were unable to kill it upon its initial attack, they’ve since been tracking it, only able to deter it from again attacking civilization)

But rest assured friends, the battle continues and eventually it will be won.

Just remember, if you feel the ground shake…or see a national monument devastated at a distance, YOU ARE DEAD! DEADER THAN THE DEADEST DEAD!

BEWARE THE MONSTER!

Now, apparently David Cronenburg has directed a lot of good movies (The Fly, Scanners, etc.), but I had only seen one of them prior to veiwing Eastern Promises. A History of Violence is that movie, and yeah it kicks 12 levels of ass… Like its awesome and stuff. So when I saw that there was another film that was directed by Cronenburg and starring Viggo Mortensen, I had to watch it. Note: Viggo was also the star of A History of Violence.

Unlike A History of Violence, though, I really had no idea what to expect from this movie. When I went into A History of Violence, I was expecting an enormous can of whoop-ass to be opened. And it was. And it was opened in a certain scene in Eastern Promises… Its quite a while into the film, but its worth the wait…. But I’ll get into that later.

The film was a good Russian mob movie, when it comes down to it. It was the story of a young woman played by Naomi Watts, who is a midwife who delivers a baby of a dying Russian girl. The girl dies, but leaves behind her diary, written in Russian. Watts’ character then goes to a Russian restaurant and asks the owner if he can translate the diary. The owner of the restaurant ends up being the boss of the local mob branch and has a link to the girl. This causes a series of events to occur that eventually lead to the baby being wanted by the Russian mafia.

In between these events, Watts’s character meets a “driver” for the mob played by Mortensen. They have a few exchanges throughout the movie, and their encounters are very intriguing. There is a plot twist at the end involving Nikolae, Mortensen’s character, but I kind of expected something like it.

Granted, this was a good film without it, but the badass kick-ass scene that I was talking about earlier really made the film for me. I’ll summarize it briefly and then let the realization to sink into your brain that you are going to watch this movie: Viggo Mortensen gets into a brawl with two Russian mobsters armed with sickle shaped knifes. He manages to overcome them by himself, and in the nude and in a public shower, no less.

Now I don’t know about you, but I would be too embarrassed because of my nakedness and would most likely die of embarrassment. Just kidding, I would go apeshit on those Russians, towel or not. Viggo’s a badass…

But yeah the movie in it’s entirety was pretty awesome and I would definately reccomend it to anyone, as long as you don’t mind seeing a little sausage. No pun intended.

Rating: 80/100

I apologize it has been so long for me to report this. Those that know me understand wrestling is high up there on my fun list. I will try not to be biased, but this movie really rocked. Those that really follow pro wrestling know that there is much much more than what you see on T.V. - a la WWE. Granted the wrestling there is not like what you see in this movie. WWE is more entertainment, and most of those guys are swimming in money. But it wasn’t always like that. In fact in still isn’t in a lot of the independent circuits. This movie highlights the career of one of those guys. The top independent wrestler out there. Randy “The Ram” Robinson. I wish the movie could highlight his whole career and make this movie longer. But it probably would be a 10 hour flick. It is basically the end of the ride for a wrestler who has spent his whole life on the road wrestling. Mickey Rourke is a perfect fit for this part. And dare I say he actually acts, outside of the ring, in this movie. He is quite believeable in every aspect. Without giving away too much of the movie, which actually has a couple story lines outside of the wrestling, he shows several emotions on the screen, mostly involving how he doesn’t want to be alone anymore. A lot of the story goes toward his daughter who he really has not been much of a father to. This film is not a blockbuster, and will not blow you out of the water. But the acting is great, the story is real, and even Marisa Tomei shows how well she really can act. She plays a stripper who is at a crossroads in her life very similar to Mickey’s. She doesn’t want to do what she is doing anymore. The differences is are : Randy loves what he does, he just can’t do it anymore. You don’t have to be a wrestling fan of any kind to enjoy this movie. It is very real, has it’s high points, but it also will bring you down and show you the sad side of life. The hardcore wrestling fans, like myself, will pick a lot of fun stuff out of this movie, where the casual observer may not get it 100% or appreciate. It is definelty worth watching a couple times to get those things maybe the second time around. Acting wise, the actors get pretty much 5 stars from me. Story and plot are like a 4 out of 5.

Rating:

Clint Eastwood is the quintessential bad ass - he doesn’t even need a gun just a finger and a cocked thumb -, and in Gran Torino he just proves that being 72 isn’t going to effect that at all.

In Gran Torino Eastwood plays Walt, a hard nosed Korean War vet, who is angry at a world that has morphed from a time of manners and respect to an age of disrespectful youths and the parents who perpetuate their behavior. From the beginning grimace you understand Walt, and by mid movie you are in his corner 100%.

Walt lives in a neighborhood that has fallen apart around his perfect rockwellion existence. A new people have taken over, and Walt is no way happy with his asian neighbors. With shouts of “Get off my lawn!” and other racist laden comments this becomes obvious quickly. It isn’t until a local gang starts a fight with his young next door neighbor does Walt get catapulted into their world.

Warner Brothers

In a movie rife with tragedy and racism, Eastwood brings humor and ultimately salvation to an otherwise touchy subject matter. The only negative I can say about the movie is Eastwoods raspy singing during the last moments of the film.This is one of my top movies for the year.

All in all this is a must see.

Rating:

Over his career, Clint Eastwood has time and time again established himself as probably the best anti-hero in cinematic history, whether it be a rogueish cowboy (Sergio Leone movies), a dirty harry (all those dirty harry’s), a fake dirty harry (the gauntlet), another cowboy (Unforgiven) or an angry old man carved  out of drift wood (pretty much everything since 1995), he’s proven himself capable of advancing his badassery to deeper and more intelligent levels.

This movie is no exception and may very well be his most nuanced starring role.

As Walt Kowalski, Eastwood is a cantankerous old coot, going beyond standard old man stuff and actively threatening kids in his rough neighborhood. I don’t want to give anything away, but basically he starts off incredibly (and hilariously) bigoted against basically every minority and ends up as a foul mouthed cuddle-bear.

The acting is all around superb, with the possible exception of the other lead’s sister Sue. Thao, Eastwood’s pseudo-apprentice and friend in the film is also rather good, his mannerisms change as he becomes more confident, breaking Hmong expectations…oh….right…Hmong. Hmong is a group of mountain people from southeast Asian, y’know, Vietnam, Laos, China, all that jazz, anyways, Thao grows throughout the film with a similar arc to Walt, starting as almost feminine, he learns what it is to be a (really, really old) man.

Eastwood, that smug bastard also wrote and directed…and it’s rather hard to criticize anything he does.

Through his performance, on and off screen, he proves he has what it takes to be a octogenarian curmudgeon brand of action star, threatening people he’s more than four times older than and being entirely convincing while doing so.

Dear movie, you were awesome!

Rating:

PS, if you see this film you WILL learn so, so many slurs against Asian folk…the funniest of which is Dragon lady.

Okay so yeah, I actually had the balls to see the Spirit. Was it the movie I had every intention to see when I got to the theater? No. I wanted to see Valykrie which I was late for and my friend wanted to see the Spirit so we did. I had every intention of never seeing this movie in my life. Yet here I was, in a movie theater, no less, watching the Spirit. And it was god awful.

Now usually when I go into a film having the very lowest of low expectations, I’m usually pleasantly surprised and end up somewhat enjoying the movie. This was not the case for the Spirit… you know what this movie doesn’t even deserve the effort of me reaching for the shift key so I can capitalize spirit. I really don’t want to rash, but fuck you Frank Millar! Yes, you are awesome and write awesome comics but I am so pissed at you right now… You have made possibly one of the worst movies that I have ever seen. And I’m the Goddamn Rock Solid!

This movie had one of the worst movie quotes as well as one of the best. I’ll start with the bad. At one point in the film? the spirit (see no capital) wakes up tied to a dentist’s chair and he utters, “What smells dental?”

OHOHOHOHOHO that is quite hilariously bad and it made me guffaw!

But wait… its not over yet…

He then looks around the room and sees nazi decorations on the wall and says, “Nazi and Dental. Great.”

Classic.

But what was the best line????

Well, the spirit was hanging from a gargoyle by his jacket, and some civilians below, on the ground, were making fun of him.

A black man utters the phrase that will now go down in history as most possibly my favorite movie quote ever…

“He look stupid!”

oh yeah, its pretty epic and awesome.

You may have noticed that I’m not really summarizing the plot, and I have a fairly simple explanation: There wasn’t really much of a plot at all. I guess the spirit just wanted to kill Octopus and stuff… Yeah it was bad folks. The only redeeming quality it had was Eva Mendes’s bare ass, but this isn’t new to anybody…

oh god it was bad…

I had actually seen the movie a few weeks ago but I remembered that I had seen it so I wrote this reveiw…

and the bad memories are coming back…

goddamnit it was bad…

Rating:

Hey folks, it’s Wayne.

Listen.

David Goyer and me, we go Way(ne) back, I mean, dude wrote the script of The Dark Knight…so…class act right?

Well, in the field of metallurgical alchemy there’s an instance known as the Midas touch…wherein an individual with this skill is able to turn whatever they manhandle into solid gold. I dare say that when David Goyer gets the opportunity to both write and direct a film, a strange inversion of the Midas touch…let’s call it the “Oh Shit I’m an Idiot Who Turns Every Movie I Direct into Utter and Complete Garbage, I Directed Blade III for God’s Sake, BLADE III…DID YOU SEE HOW BAD THAT WAS!?…God I hate myself” Touch. Now, often enough, those inflicted with…the later touch are not aware of their level of suckitude so, as such they continue to prace along, picking daisies and just being awful directors. Ok, that said…onto the movie.

Y’know what, that movie wasn’t that awful. Oh wait, it kinda was.

Acting…awful. The kids look scared when they needed to. Gary Oldman kicked ass for the Jewish God. Carla Gugino was on screen for 5 seconds.

Special effects…they were actually pretty nifty and moderately frightening. The stroked old man was creepy as was…the awful tooth monster thing…but really nothing that hasn’t been done before.

Ugh…oh right…the plot. A girl gets scary dreams, people die, turns out she had a twin who died in utero with a ridiculous name, he wants to be alive, roll credits.

Pretty much, the movie relies on jump scares, as attested to by my lovely girlfriend sitting next to me during the duration of the film who grabbed me and all that jazz whenever scary stuff happened. Suffice to say, I, being 275 pounds of muscle standing at a towering 6′5 was not frightened…in fact, midway through the movie I started lifting weights and taking human growth hormone, so by the end I was 6′6 and 285 pounds of rippling well toned man flesh. Anyways, less on me, more on the movie.

Okay, here’s the deal. It wasn’t good, it wasn’t the worst horror movie i’d ever seen. (Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman, anyone?) But it doesn’t warrant a second viewing and certainly not with its current PG-13 rating.

So um…lets give it a Rating: and call it a wrap, okay?

PS, I’m contending in the world’s strongest/smartest man competition soon, I think it’ll be on BANC or CRAB or BLCS or some other non-existent channel I’ve made up.

Ah, yes Rock Solid is back again with the second part of his top 5 movie deaths. He also hates talking in the third person but is used to it due to Facebook status updates.

Number 2 in the list of my favorite movie deaths would most deffinately have to be the death of Emil Antonowsky in the first Robocop movie. But why is this death so cool? Why does it top the cathedral death from Hot Fuzz? Well, first off, it doesn’t top the cathedral death, this is not an ordered top Five. So there. But on to the reason why this death is so cool…

Two Words: Toxic. Waste.

Does the waste vaporize Emil?

No.

Does the waste turn Emil into a mutant who is so hungry for power that his own minions turn against him and kill him?

… no.

Does the waste kill Emil in just a boring way?

Oh, no.

The waste melts all of his skin, and you can see it hanging off his skeleton! His mouth has melted, and he mumbles, “hheeeepppp eeeeeeee” (help me for those not fluent in Portugese) and he staggers toward Ray Wise’s character for help. And then of courses Wise utters, “Don’t touch me man! AAAAHHHHHHH!”

But Emil is not yet dead. Nope. But then Red Forman rams him with his car by accident and all you see hit the windsheild is a splattering of blood and green body matter and its so freaking awesome OMG!

So yeah its pretty cool.